The week started out completely normal, but then today, everything changed.
When we woke up this morning, I had an inkling that we would be leaving town soon, however, Michele went right to work as usual. I watched suspiciously from underneath the couch for hours. Eventually, I let my guard down and settled in for a mid-morning nap.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, I was swiped off of the couch and into my carrier. And, before I knew it, I was released into the car for the 7th time this year.
At this point, I am starting to know what to expect, so without much fuss, I curl up on the floorboard and go back to sleep. This is when the first curveball came.
After only a few minutes, I am being zipped back into my container and carried into a building with Other People. Oh no, I had no idea that I was going to have to deal with Other People today. This is terrible news.
But, as the cruel world continuously proves, things can always get worse.
Next, I am placed on a tall table and unceremoniously poked and prodded by the Other People. Right when I thought it was almost over, I was suddenly stuck with a long needle in my hind leg. I complained as loud as I possibly could. Luckily my complaint was promptly acknowledged and they removed the needle just as fast as it was inserted.
Soon thereafter I was zipped up again and listen carefully as Michele paid way too much for the services rendered.
After the terrible encounter with Other People, Michele continued on our road trip as though nothing had happened. At first, I just followed along, maybe nothing did happen. After all, I’m just a cat, what do I know?
But the more I thought about it, the more I started to feel something. It was a mix of anxiety and sadness. The feeling crept over me slowly. Initially, I wasn’t sure what was happening, but then I started to realize it. This is what anger feels like.
As I moved into a deep state of incessant stewing, something else new started to happen. It was rumbling, deep within my bowels. Uh oh.
In a state of utter and complete psychological and physiological disruption, I found the answer to both problems in one elegantly crafted solution.
I crawled into my litter box and pooped as much as I possibly could. The large bald one cheered me on from the sidelines, but she did not know what was in store.
Next, I did something unimaginable. I did not bury the poop as expected. Instead, I gingerly dipped my forehead in it, thus achieving the perfect dollop right in between in my eyes. I meowed loudly just before a carefully planned head butt directed at the large bald one.
It was only when I saw her consistently calm demeanor break into a state of total fear that I believe I smiled for the first time in my entire life.
MICHELE’S ADDENDUM: Well, my plan to placate Cal by pretending like the vet appointment never happened backfired big time. Last time I ever try to gaslight a cat.