The Best Christmas Ever, a special musical edition

Cal’s Song (in the style of Rub it in, Rub it in by Billy “Crash” Craddock),
Written and performed by Cal’s Grandfather, Dennis Wilson

I can’t believe it’s that time of year again. It seems like only yesterday that the large, bald one and I were snuggled up in our tiny house in Austin. We were just at the beginning of our journey and had no idea what lay ahead. At the time I could have never imagined that this year we’d spend the holiday season in an extra-large condo overlooking the great town of Oakland, California. 

While our location continues to change, Christmas traditions stay the same. This year I was extra good and was rewarded appropriately. 


It was early Christmas morning and I was making my normal rounds before waking Michele. I was surveying the laundry room when I stumbled upon something so completely unexpected that I could hardly believe my eyes. I knew that it was Christmas morning, but this very special gift was beyond what I could have possibly imagined. 

There, laying on top of the washing machine, was my very own, pure cotton pillowcase. Its delicately hemmed edges called out to my soul. My stomach began to growl as I imagined chewing on the light yet dense cotton fabric. It has been so long since I’ve had access to cotton for chewing, I was beginning to think that Michele had forgotten about my favorite delicacy. 

Out of deep respect for this very meaningful gift, I took my time smelling the beautiful piece of fabric. Next, I rubbed my head all over it. I wanted to saturate the linen with my scent so that we can become one. Finally, I allowed myself to take a few nibbles from the side and felt overwhelmed with satisfaction. It’s been so long since I’ve had linens for breakfast!

In a Herculean effort of restraint, I pulled myself away from the Best-Christmas-Gift-Ever to complete my morning rounds. This is when I saw it! Gift number 2. Oh, I must have been a very good cat this year, indeed!

Located next to the bathroom sink, I slowly approached the present. It was a pile of elastic hair bands. I had not seen this many hair bands in one place since last winter when I binged on them until I became sick. I knew this special gift carried great responsibility and I carefully picked out 4 to start with. I swatted them onto the floor, for easier access, and saved the rest for later.

After a magical morning filled with pillowcase nibbles and snacking on fresh hair bands, I was in a state of complete and utter bliss. I had almost forgotten about my present for the large, bald one when I heard her stirring in the bedroom. I quickly bolted in and began to summon the longest, most dramatic cat puke I could muster. It’s important to show Michele how much I appreciate her gifts.

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